1st day of Pre K

Last week was Thad's first week of school.  He now goes every day for a few hours a day.  Its an adjustment from the summer but we are getting our routine down.  Thad had a rough few days and cried most of the week when I left.  He was fine as soon as I left the room but it was heartbreaking.  He is the only one who cries! All the other kids are pushing their parents out the door.  Not my Thad, he is my sweet sensitive momma's boy! 

He found his cubby and put his back pack away and got his name tag.  

Ollie gave Thad a kiss goodbye.  This made me tear up! So sweet of my two boys.  While Thad is in school Ollie walks around the house looking for him.  Thad likes to watch movies in our bed and Ollie likes to go back there and check on him.  He picked up Thad's little blankie and walked it back to our room and was on his tippy toes trying to see if Thad was there.  He comes back out and puts his hands in the air like "where's Thad?!?!?"  It was sweet.

After his first day we went and got a slushy from Sonic.  He was happy about that.  Everyday when I pick him up he says how much fun he had a school and how much he likes his teacher.  Our little man is growing up.

First Trimester Screening

Today we had our first trimester screening also known as a Nuchal Translucency ultrasound where they measure the fluids on the baby's neck.  The thickness of the fluid can determine if the baby has down syndrome or a possible heart defect.  I am happy to say our baby's fluid thickness looked great! It was well in the normal range.  They start to get concerned when it's a 3 and baby's is at a 1.  I had this ultrasound done with Thad and his was "thick" which was our first indicator that he was going to have a heart defect.  Oliver also had this and his was a 1 and has a very healthy heart! We are so blessed to have this great news.  We will still have a fetal echo done at 18 weeks to check the heart.  I found out today when we did genetic counseling (for the 4th time!) that since we had a baby with Hypo Plastic Left Heart we have a 8% chance of having another baby with any type of defect and a 22% chance of having another baby with Hypo Plastic Left Heart.  I would be fine if I never heard the term Hypo Plastic Left Heart ever again! 

Baby was very active today and it looked like he/she was pushing his feet off a wall and bouncing back and forth! Everything else is measuring right on track and we still have a due date of March 8th.  Please continue to keep baby in your thoughts and prayers and pray for a healthy heart.  Seeing the baby on the ultrasound screen today makes me so happy.  After having 3 babies already and seeing this little miracle in my belly moving around is so amazing.  It never gets old looking at a baby inside the womb! I'm excited to feel him/her moving around.

Baby #4 on the way!

We have some exciting news to share! Baby #4 is on the way! We found out about 3 weeks ago and feel so blessed.  I am due March 8th and right now just about 2 1/2 months along.  I have been feeling sick off and on throughout the day.  It's worse around 8:00 at night.  I have a weird choking/gagging reflex when I am pregnant.  I have had it with all my pregnancies and I feel this one is the worst feeling! The slightest hair that touches my neck I start to loose it.  My hair will be in a ponytail this entire pregnancy! Other than the choking part I am doing well.  We will have a 1st trimester screening the end of August where they do a sonogram at Maternal Fetal Medicine to measure the back of the babies neck.  There is something about the measurements and it can help determine if there will be a heart defect.  Emma and Thad's measured very thick and Oliver's was normal.  Around 18 weeks we will have a fetal echo done where they will look at the heart.  Please keep this baby in your thoughts and prayers that he/she has a healthy heart and body.  

When we told Thad, we asked him if he wanted another baby brother or sister and his response was "No, I want to keep Oliver!" I explained to him that he could keep Ollie and have another baby and he said in the cutest little voice with his hands in the air "Not again!" and then said "Fine, we can have another baby."  If you know Thad you know his little personality.  He is excited to have another baby in the house and said he wants a baby sister.  I would love for this baby to be a little girl but will be excited if its a boy even though I would completely be outnumbered! Poor Oliver doesn't know what's coming! He won't be the baby anymore and might have a few things to say about that.  I'm sure he will adjust just fine with the new baby.

I can't wait for March to be here and to see what this baby will look like and how he/she will fit into our family! We are so blessed to be able to have another baby! Good thing I'm not working anymore because I will be one busy mama!!

Happy Birthday Emma

As long as I live you will live.
As long as I live you will be remembered.
As long as I live you will be loved.
~Author unknown

Today, Emma would be 6 years old.  She would be getting ready for 1st grade and would be no doubt an amazing and sweet little girl.  Today she celebrates her birthday in Heaven.  We miss her so much and celebrate her everyday.  Today we will take balloons to her at the cemetery and Thad will let one go up to Heaven.  We celebrate her birthday every year with a cake and balloons.  

As every year comes and goes its always the hardest between August and November.  It's the months that Emma lived and so many memories were made during those months.  She is perfect in every way and has a whole heart.  She is our own personal angel in Heaven who we can talk to and pray to.  

Every few years I go through Emma's things.  I decided to do it this year.  I forget some of the things that are in there until I see them and then remember all the memories that go with them.  I went through and read all the sympathy cards people sent to us.  I was overwhelmed reading them but I'm glad I did. There were so many cards, probably over 200. So many people cared for Emma.  I didn't recognize a lot of the names.  So many people were praying for Emma and knew her story through friends and family. It was nice reading all the nice words people said to us.  A few things have stuck with me throughout these past years.  I wanted to share some of them now.  

"Try to look toward the future of when your share the beautiful memory of your first love Emma to the rest of your children to come." How true this one is. We love sharing Emma's memory and will share her with all of our children.

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"I'm so sorry to hear about Emma.  I can't imagine the pain you feel.  At the same time, though, I feel I should tell you congratulations.  As parents, it is our goal to get our children to heaven and you have Emma there.  She will not have to grow up facing the evils of this world.  Instead she will be in the loving arms of Jesus, Mother Mary and Saint Joseph.  What a wonderful life in Heaven she will have! And she'll be waiting for you when your time comes so that she can tell you "I love you Mom. I love you Dad.  Thanks for taking care of me.  I'm happy." Now, it will be exciting to see what path God leads you down.  Maybe you'll be able to comfort others most compassionately, maybe you'll give a sad child a smile at just the right time, maybe your faith now will convert others.  Who knows? It'll be fun to see how all of the pieces of life fit together at the end of time.  So hooray! You did it! God gave you a precious baby to love and you answered God with a resounding "Yes!" Be at peace and know that God knows what he is doing." Adam's cousin Amy wrote this in her card.  It has stuck with me for the past 6 years.  What a great thing to tell a parent about their child.  Thank you Amy for writing this message.  It has really touched me over the years. 

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"A very good friend told me, God gives you the grace when you need it.  I don't expect this phrase to lesson your pain but I hope you know that you will make it through."

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"It is with great sadness I lost a little new found friend today, there are no words to adequately express my feelings for your loss.  I had the privilege of spending a good amount of time with her and I enjoyed every little second of her company.  I would look at this sweet precious little girl with tubes on her face and be taken back by her care free spirit like nothing ailed her and I couldn't help but to become care free myself with all the worries of my world leaving me momentarily."

 Here are a few of Emma's favorite things.

She loved her binkie! She would only take the green hospital binkie and liked when we put our finger in the little hole!

Okay, she didn't like the ducky costume for Halloween but it was too cute not to include!

She loved to smile! Even with all the oxygen tubes and feeding tubes she was still such a happy little girl.

She loved her care bears.  Well mommy loved her care bears but Emma really liked looking at them.  I remember her staring at them.  It was probably the bright colors!

She loved stroller rides.  We only took her on a few but she really liked the bumpy parts! A few days before she passed away we took a walk to my work and she got to meet all my coworkers.  I'm really glad we did that so they had a chance to meet them all.

She liked her play mat and liked looking at herself in the mirror.

She sort of liked baths.  She might have cried a few times but liked being snuggled after in her cute towel.

She liked to sleep with us and snuggle.  She slept in her bassinet beside our bed but every morning we would bring her to bed and cuddle with her for a few more minutes and fall back asleep.  

Our sweet sweet girl.  She is one very loved special girl.  Happy birthday to the sweetest Angel in Heaven.

I had to share this picture of Shayna (my niece) and Emma.  Shayna was staying with us when I went into labor.  We had to wake her up at midnight so we could go to the hospital.  Luckily my Aunt Sue came and got her and she stayed with her while we had Emma.  Shayna got to come to the hospital after Emma's surgery and see her baby cousin.  She was lucky to get to hold her.  I remember telling her not to breathe on Emma and if she needed to cough to turn her head.  (I was a little paranoid about her getting sick!) I remember Shayna turning her head every 5-10 seconds and looking the other way.  I asked her what she was doing and she said she was breathing in the other direction so she wouldn't breathe on Emma and get her sick.  Oh sweet Shayna! She was only 5 years old when Emma passed away.  She will always have a special connection with Emma! She even made me this sweet scrapbook with pictures of Emma.